Our Story

I remember when we walked on the beach together, wordlessly, neither one of us daring to break the silence but both wishing the other would. The waves crashing in the background became muted as our eyes caught the thousand messages being sent between. Your eyes were tortured with a hundred emotions, pain glittering between the love and admiration, muted wishes glistening with excitement and wonder, but the emotion that shadowed them all and was most dominant was hope. The hope in your eyes was what made me falter, throw away my sense and wonder with you. I could no longer think with my brain, my heart commanded all, and what heart, even one made of stone could resist those feelings expressed in your eyes as dark as midnight?

You never gave up.

I pushed you away cruelly and denied you my love. I knew it would never blossom and bear fruits and thought at the time, wisely to my childish mind, that I would not encourage what would only be burnt later on, I should not water barren land knowing of the withered petals yet to come. When the future was written out so clear what right had I to gamble and give you hope? With every scorning glance, every sneering remark, I was only doing what I thought best, trying to get you to accept our fate early on.

Your determination never faltered. The more I shook my head the more you pleaded with me. The more I told you it could not be the more you insisted you will let it be. You brought me flowers in premature bloom and whispered sentiments into its petals before leaving them by my side. You stood at every beck and call and indulged my every whim. You flattered and coaxed, praised and admired, your only wish was to please me, and you refused to give up the hope that torched your eyes and made them shine patiently.

The last proper conversation we had was when you laid your cards down for my inspection and placed your heart securely in my hand. You gave me all and only hoped that I could be convinced to break away from my stance and view you with more compassion. The strength and vulnerability in your face took my breath away and cut short any harsh words I would have thrown carelessly your way.

And I! I am a mere mortal, only human, and to err is human after all. I stumbled in the path of your love, my determination could not withstand your gentle yet persistent wait.  My scepticism held no strength against your hope and I crumbled and yielded to you, blinded my eyes and let my heart blind my mind. The petals were still in full bloom, why should I not water them? For sure they will wither and break one day but until then let us breathe in its dizzying scent.

We passed a whole year giddy and intoxicated with our hopeful folly. It seemed no power could ever separate such strong conviction. But time passes and with it seasons change. Autumn came and the petals fell away. Away from the elixir of hope in your eyes the truth came to me once again and I understood how foolish I had been to humour you, to humour both of us. I remembered why I had withstood you so long and refused to give you a founded chance to hope.

When I walked away from you left you it was with a heart crying blood. I couldn’t bear to see your dim eyes and the hope broken in them. I always knew it never could be, but when I gave into weakness, when I let  you believe that  I believed in your hope, and when I stopped believing, then I realised how truly wise I used to be. Where did that maturity come from? And why oh why in the most vital time did it abandon me? It is true I never loved you the way you loved me, but I cared. I kept away from you because I cared.  I understood why I never coaxed the sapling to grow. For after it grew and was wrenched away, the memory of what was made your hope tinged with pain.

Your hope was not broken, and for that I am secretly glad. For when you stop waiting and move on, that is when my heart will truly break.